" . . . and now, crime-fighting barber . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
During the monologue, Dave conducts one of his insta-polls, asking how many in the audience would vote McCain if the election were held tomorrow and how many would vote Obama. Months ago, when it was McCain, Obama, and Hillary, McCain would usually lead the applause. Once Hillary dropped out, Obama picked up her audience supporters and he would received the strongest applause. Tonight, it was even. It sounded as if McCain and Obama had equal support from the audience. What does this mean? I dunno, except that there are 3-and-a-half months till the election. Nothing is for certain yet, except change.

Following the monologue, Dave presents "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches"
An oldie but a goodie. It was one of our firsts.
Bush: "First time we've been back to Texas since our trip to Africa. If you recall, we went to a park in Botswana." The way the President says 'Botswana' is hysterical, as if it was the punch line to a joke.

During the commercial break, P&theB performed Chicago's "Make Me Smile."

ACT 2:
The candidates are about to make their choice of running mate and so we decided to help out in something we call, "Why They'd Make A Good Vice President." Paul and the band open the piece with the skewered Beach Boys tune "Good Good Good Good Vice President."
- Howie Mandel: Know how to make people feel better while they're losing all their money. "Moooooooo" --- hearing the "mooo" Dave is reminded that each entry will be followed by an hilarious sound effect.
- Condoleezza Rice: Never have to worry about any embarrassing sex scandals. (Ship horn)
- Rachael Ray: Could lure Osama bin Laden out of hiding with her Yum-O Goat Frittata. (turkey gobble)
- Christian Bale: as angry as Cheney (thunder clap)
- Madonna: Will seduce Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and learn his secret plans (lawn mower or week trimmer motor)

A Batman fan appears in the skyline.
DAVE: "Oh, hello."
Batman fan: "Hi."
DAVE: "Can I help you?"
Batman fan: (holding out money) "I'd like one ticket for Batman, please."
DAVE: "I'm sorry, we don't show movies at this theater. We do a television program." Batman fan: "Oh . . . . . . . . Can you give me a ride home?"
DAVE: "Uhhh, sure . . . . I'll meet you outside after the show."
Batman fan: "OK"
Batman fan exits.

- Oprah: Hello? She's Oprah! (pinball machine)
- George Clooney: of course he'd be good! Look at how handsome the sum'bitch is! (yodeler)
- Lindsay Lohan: Is experimenting with bipartisanship (rooster)
- Brett Favre: He really wants the job. Wait, no he doesn't. Yes, he does. No, he doesn't. (2 sneezes)
- Paul Shaffer - 26 years dealing with maniacal insane ruthless tyrant (whoop whoop siren)
- A-Rod: Isn't is time to put a little grabass back in the White House?

ACT 3:
JOHN C. REILLY
He's co-starring with Will Ferrell in "Step Brothers." John C. and Dave have something in common; they each worked at a supermarket in their earlier days. Dave says he loved his time there. John says it depended on the department he worked. He started off as a bag boy, went on to dairy, moved to stock boy, deli guy, and then back to bag boy. When he started performing in plays at school, he had to go back to bagging since his availability was always in question. He learned something in each department, but some of the stuff he learned in the deli department he'd rather not know. The ham salad? Don't get it. Ham salad is made from the leftover dried out luncheon meat and shot through a grinder. Add mayo and you got your ham salad. And try to avoid the butchers. They spend too much time in blood and chainsaws. Eventually, everything looks like meat to them. There are best to be avoided.
Dave liked working at the supermarket because every Friday night they'd steal beer and the owner didn't mind.
I do the same thing here at the Late Show, except on Friday I steal a bag of popcorn before going home.
John then tells a tale of a gang fight he participated in back in the 7th grade. It was the public schoolers, his team, vs. the nearby Catholic School. Oooh. You shouldn't mess with kids from Catholic School. I did three years. They have so much pent up energy they're like volatile TNT; any sudden move and they could explode. Don't let their appearance fool you. Take them lightly and you'll end up with a tie shoved down your throat. John C. learned the hard way from Billy Skyler. "Step Brothers" - opens this Friday.

ACT 4:
JANE MAYER
She's an investigative journalist for "The New Yorker" and the author of a new book, "The Dark Side: The Inside Story of How the War on Terror Turned Into a War on American Ideals." The title refers to something Cheney said on "Face The Nation" soon after 9/11. How will the United States respond, Cheney said, "We'll have to work sort of the dark side. We've got to spend time in the shadows."
Dave says following the horrific event of September 11th, America wanted, needed, to do something. Did Bush and Cheney have their heart in the right place, but perhaps went about it the wrong way in their reaction? Jane says they probably did what they thought was best but they also broke with American tradition and didn't follow the Geneva Convention. She says in war, it's pretty much "anything goes" in what takes place on the battlefield, but with prisoners they need to be treated humanely. She writes that wasn't the case here. Torture was used to get information from the captured, and the captured would say anything they thought the torturers wanted to hear. This practice was successful in getting a lot of false confessions and false information which led to some very wrong decisions down the road. Not surprisingly, the military is the first to object to such torture tactics, because they know how easily they could be on the receiving end if the shoe were on the other foot.
Could a case be made that the Bush Administration could be guilty of war crimes? It seems the Administration's defense has been that the Geneva conventions do not apply to terrorists, so war crimes here is not applicable.

Of course, whenever I recap a serious subject discussed on the Late Show, I feel I fail miserably. There was so much more there and I'm always afraid that what I write isn't quite what was said. I'm always more comfortable writing about a Tom Dreesen/Frank Sinatra story.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Hey, American, The Tony Mendez Show is back with an all-new episode! Tune in as Tony Mendez celebrates Late Show's 5 Emmy nominations with the staff.
Satisfy your comedy craving at www.cbs.com/lateshow
We'll be right back."

ACT 7:
GRIZZLY BEAR: Their new EP vinyl is entitled, "Friend." Grizzly Bear performed "Two Weeks"

And that was our show for Wednesday, July 23, 2008.



I heard on the radio this morning one of the political talking heads claim that Americans still don't know Barack Obama. I rolled my eyes. After 18 months of his campaigning in this information age of the internet, we still don't know Senator Obama.

I think John McCain has a secret weapon in his election battle against Senator Obama. He's going to pull it out two weeks before the election. He's going to point out and remind America that the Democratic candidate's initials are "B.O." It just might bother enough people to turn the election.
From today's USA Today: the top concert draws this spring; average attendance per show:
Kenny Chesney - 20,610
Bon Jovi - 16,228
Bruce Springsteen - 15,026
The Police - 12,668
Chesney is 40 years old; Jon Bon Jovi, 46; Bruce, 56; and Sting, 46. Where's all the kids? I thought loud music and concerts were a kids' thing.

It's worth repeating; 6 months or so ago I went to a benefit where Bruce Springsteen performed two songs. It was just Bruce himself on stage with his acoustic guitar. He's singing "Thunder Road." Absolutely magnificent. My eyes were glued on what was taking place 100 feet in front of me. It was tremendous. At that moment I was thinking of all my friends who would have absolutely LOVED being there with me. Tears dwelled. I then looked to my left. There was a kid about 25 years old. His head was buried in some text-messaging machine, totally unaware of what was taking place. He texted through both songs, never once looking up. I wanted to reach over and slap him across the back of the head. Idiot. Maybe kids today don't know about concerts.

Earlier this week on the New York sports talk radio shows, the hosts and callers were lambasting the New York Giants for imposing a Personal Seating Licensing fee on season ticket holders forcing them to pay thousands of dollars just for the right to buy a season ticket. It is a money gouge and grab not seen in these parts since Willie Sutton plied his trade. And then suddenly the New York Giants traded their popular but controversial tight end Jeremy Shockey to the New Orleans Saints. It's a trade that was talked about and could have been made weeks earlier. And then just as soon as the trade was made, the sports radio shows were talking about the Shockey trade and not so much the PSL fee. Coincidence? Or was it a distraction put out there by Giant management?

Earlier this week, the New York Yankees obtained first baseman Richie Sexson. So far I've heard from the experts on the radio that he's a great fielding first baseman, an adequate fielding first baseman a poor fielding first baseman, and a good fielding first baseman. Just goes to show you that no one knows anything and they simply repeat things they heard elsewhere. And if it's true with baseball, it's true with everything in life.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Washington, D.C., it's Steve Chaggaris.
This concludes another installment of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
Mikemack@aol.com