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Monday, July 18, 2005

Top Ten Things I Have Learned In My 84 Years
  
In a pinch, vanilla extract will give you a good buzz
Think twice before getting a Robert Wagner tattoo
You can kill a man with two fingers applied swiftly to the Adam's apple
Male figure skaters are usually gay
Kids don't listen to parents when it comes to advice on hairpieces
You're not fully clean unless you're Zestfully clean
With a color printer, you can easily make counterfeit Meineke gift certificates
Never give a bookie your home phone number
For sheer entertainment, you can't beat Vince Vaughn and Owen Wilson in "Wedding Crashers" in theaters now---I just made $1,000 for saying that
It's hard having a son who looks older than you
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